Two Steps Ahead - Ami x Ryuuji
by MrVolcanoes22
Summary: Taking place after the post credit scene of the final episode of Toradora, Ami and Ryuuji grow closer than they ever thought they would.
1. Introduction and Chapter 1 - Snowfall

Hey everyone! Thanks for dropping in to read my Toradora fan fiction! I do not consider myself an author, but I do enjoy writing, and hope that you all will enjoy it!

Recently I rewatched Toradora, and came to the realization that I actually liked Kawashima Ami's character the most. I feel that she had the most character development and while she had very big flaws it was nothing irredeemable. It is her relationship not just with Ryuuji but with Taiga and the other principle characters that I would like to explore.

After finishing the show, I read Mark629's excellent "Walk the Same Path", that picks up when Taiga leaves Ryuuji. After reading it I wanted to tell a different story. I do not hope to match the length nor depth of his story, his was far more excellent than I can hope to accomplish, but I do hope to capture perhaps a different element. To distinguish my story from his, my story picks up on Toradora upon Taiga's return. In "Walk the Same Path", between Taiga leaving and her return, Ryuuji and Ami fall in love, in my story, Taiga and Ryuuji reunite as seen in the after credits scene of the last episode. It is an Ami X Ryuuji fan fiction, but that is all I can say, spoilers XD. I have the first chapter ready, and will attempt uploading a new chapter at an interval of 2 to 4 weeks. I will also attempt to include some personal art to provide "cgs", I don't have any of the proper equipment nor am I even that good, but I hope to do well enough to provide some visuals for the story.

I have a brief character summary below for anyone who hasn't watched Toradora in a while or at all. I will be editing and coming back to this list if any new characters are introduced, I have only written my story out to two chapters, and will be uploading only the first on 4/19.

Characters :

Kawashima Ami -

A teen model and friends with Takasu Ryuuji. She met him at Ohashi High School after attempting to run from a stalker. She has known Kitamura Yusaku since childhood, and has a bad habit of putting up an airhead persona, fearing that she will not be able to make friends with others if they know her true personality. She however opens up to Ryuuji, and starts to fall in love with him when she realizes Ryuuji is friends not with the airhead but with the real Ami.

Takasu Ryuuji -

A scary looking student and close friend of Kawashima Ami. He had a crush on Kushieda Minori since he first saw her, but was never able to turn that crush into a mutual romance. In an attempt to get together with her, he decided to help his new neighbor, Aisaka Taiga, get closer to his friend Kitamura Yusaku, with the promise that Aisaka would in turn return the favor with him and Kushieda. Over the course of their cooperation however, Ryuuji eventually discovers he has fallen in love with Taiga.

Aisaka Taiga -

An often angry and violent girl forced to live on her own due to a fractured relationship with her parents. Her crush on Kitamura Yusaku forces her to team up with Ryuuji in an effort to get closer to him. While working with Ryuuji, Aisaka discovers she cannot leave Ryuuji and falls in love with him. She eventually decides that to mature as a person she needs to be away from Ryuuji for a while. She returns when her class has graduated.

Kitamura Yusaku -

Takasu Ryuuji's best friend and the object of Aisaka's affection for most of the series. He is an excellent student who was once in love with Aisaka. He also is childhood friends with Kawashima Ami, and is one of the few people she has let her guard down around. He eventually falls in love with a senior student, and after a rejection accepts his position as "Patron Saint of Broken Hearts".

Kihara Maya -

Outgoing and sweet, Kihara Maya is one of the first people to befriend Kawashima Ami at Ohashi High School. For most of the school year, she crushes intently over Kitamura Yuusaku, which eventually leads to an argument between her and one of her friends, Hisamitsu Noto. As a result of her crush for Kitamura, she often tries to force Taiga away from Kitamura and closer to Ryuuji.

Hisamitsu Noto -

Another of Ryuuji's friends. He often hangs out with Kihara Maya and Kashii Nanako together with the class clown Haruta Koji. He incorrectly assumes Ryuuji and Taiga are going out when he notices them spending time together. After a fight with Kihara Maya, he realizes he has fallen in love with her. It is unclear if the feelings are mutual, but it is known that at the very least he and Kihara do make up.

Kashii Nanako -

Kihara Maya's best friend and another of the first people to befriend Kawashima Ami. She is very close to Maya and is rarely ever seen apart from her. It is likely that they have been friends since childhood. She is aware of her best friend's crush on Kitamura, but never pushes her to act on it, simply standing in the background.

Haruta Koji -

The perverted class clown and Hisamitsu Noto's closest friend. For the class festival he proposed a maid cafe that ended up turning into a cosplay event, and other such attempts to get the class girls into more revealing clothing. He and Nanako never get much character development as they are more background characters.

Chapter 1 - Snowfall

For a moment I notice Ryuuji bolt back inside. Everyone is celebrating. People are cheering. People are crying. I smile slightly, I'm glad to see Ryuuji so happy. But I can't help but feel regret within. It was a long year for all of us, even longer for him. Perhaps she thought it would have been better without the personal goodbyes, perhaps she feared losing the courage to leave. I wonder what must be going through his mind right now…

"We promised we wouldn't run away. The klutz."

"What do you mean?" I recall a conversation I had with Ryuuji a few days after Taiga left.

"After I found out my mom had run away, I thought how childish an act it was. Only then it hit me that we were doing the exact same thing. After heading to my grandparents' place, we made sure she was alright. We both realized it was a childish dream. We came home, and as usual I prepared dinner for the three of us."

"And she never showed up.", I closed my eyes, frustrated with her. Perhaps I was more frustrated with myself however. I'm still not sure.

"I trust her though," he commented, perhaps noticing my disappointment. "We email each other everyday, and call each other each Sunday. She really does believe this will all be for the best."

"Well, if Ryuuki-kun trusts her, I trust her." I smiled at Ryuuji, I... lied to Ryuuji.

"You have nothing to worry about Kawashima." As usual, Ryuuji was able to see right through my facade. Idiot. It isn't fair. Perhaps it was my fault though. I pushed too hard, I tried for force things, even as I attacked my friends for doing the same thing.

"I trust you though Ryuuji-kun. I always will." I still loved him. I still love him. I wasn't lying when I told him that. And yet it was so painful to utter those words. In a sense, it felt final. Perhaps even more than when I confessed my love for him in the shed only weeks ago.

He smiled gently, before bowing his head. "Thank you, Kawashima."

I wanted to change subjects. "So, how has the palmtop tiger been?", I didn't care, but I wanted to get my mind off of things. I had too. I felt sick to my stomach. I bit my tongue, hoping the pain would hold back the tears.

He raised his head, "she's been fine thankfully. She's already started classes at her new school. I suppose she didn't want to leave her mother alone after all that had happened. She's even started to learn how to cook, though from the pictures she's sent me, she still has much to learn." Ryuuji looked genuinely happy as he scrolled through the few pictures he received over those past few weeks.

The topic change didn't help. I scrunched up my fists in my lap, begging myself not to break down right then and there.

"I haven't had the time to message her after saying hello the first time.", Ryuuji almost certainly knew that wasn't true. He almost certainly knew I didn't have the courage to write to the girl who stole him away from me. But oddly enough, I wasn't mad at her. When Ryuuji confessed he loved her, anger nor jealousy directed at her ever passed my mind. "No matter what happens, I'll be there to support you. Never forget that Ryuuji." His brow raised slightly.

"And I will always appreciate your support, Kawashima Ami." He looked up, and gave me that wonderful smile I had come to be obsessed with. That smile that scared away so many others, and yet was treasured by a select few. Just this once, his smile was for me alone.

I smirked, and lifted myself from my desk. "Ughh, this is getting too chummy for me. I'm going to get something to drink. Lunch is going to end soon, I'd rather not go thirsty for the next three hours."

"Still the same as ever, Kawashima." I paused as I heard those words uttered from behind me. All I could think of doing is to turn, wink, and stick my tongue out as I always used to.

Back to my usual spot. I walked down the hallway and spotted a pair of athletic legs taking up my spot.

"Oh, it's you. What are you doing in my spot?", I asked the red-hair girl. Her lips curled upwards, as if to say, "I really want to be happy about this" but they were fooling noone. Her eyes said it all.

"No wonder you like this spot Amin. It's oddly comforting." She stood up, and moved out.

"Lunch is about to end, you better come back to class soon!" With those words the usually bubbly and energetic Minori Kushieda drifted back to the classroom.

Left alone to my thoughts, I sat in that confined void between the two vending machines where I would wait and wait for Ryuuji to come along. How many times I sat and waited. How many hours he never came. When he would finally show up, he was almost always getting a drink for Taiga. He had the patience to talk to me, ask me what was wrong. But he was too damn dense to ever figure it out. So many hints dropped, so many failed attempts to let him understand. But it was never meant to be, Ryuuji loved Taiga. Even after breaking her promise, and leaving him without warning, Ryuuji STILL loves Taiga. Did it really have to be this way?

I wish I could hate her. Even when I first met her, I didn't. I wasn't even jealous of Ryuuji's love for her. I was jealous of the fact that people liked her when she was just herself. I can only come to hate myself. As I attacked Kushieda for playing an airhead, I couldn't be honest with Ryuuji until it was too late. Too hard I tried to be the nice girl, only now do I realize this should have been the one time I was selfish.

After hearing Ryuuji's words, after uttering my own final words, my body couldn't hold back any longer.

"Ryuuji… Ryuuji... Ryuuji!", between a flood of tears all I could say was his name. The tears flowed and did not want to ever stop. I placed my hands over my face, embarrassed at the possibility of a passer-by seeing me in this state. But at that moment, the bell marking the end of lunch rang out. Another flood started to rush, students from across the school ran back to class. I wanted to shrink, I wanted to disappear. "I must look awful right now", I told myself, yet no one seemed to notice my presence. All energy was drained from my body, and I collapsed. I leaned against one of the vending machines for support, and closed my eyes.

The school day came to a close, I never returned to class.

"Oh well, I'll catch up tomorrow. I can ask Kitamura for a summary", I got up and begun walking down the flight of stairs that I still recall so vividly watching Kushieda and Ryuuji dart down to find Taiga. "It must be nice" I thought to myself, "having friends that love you as much as they do, Taiga".

The bitter winter winds were still holding on strong even this late in February. A late snowstorm was forecast, and I could tell from the imposing clouds approaching from the west that it would hit soon. "Snow storms always look so much more menacing than they really are". Just then a gust pushed against my back, I had to grab onto a pole else fall onto the concrete. That's when I noticed I was alone. For most of the year, I was accompanied by Maya and Nanako. By then they too were occupied by other matters. Hisamitsu finally gathered the courage to ask Maya to go out with him, and Nanako never left Maya's side. As such, I had started to walk on my own. "Damn it" I muttered to myself. "If this is what happens when I'm myself, it isn't worth it."

Soon I noticed soft white balls of cotton float across my face. I thought it was a curious sight, "wait, what am I saying?".

It wasn't long before there was a thin white coat covering the town. Foot steps were marked clearly along the sidewalks. I noticed I was following a pair up the streets. "I wonder what they could be up to." Soon the footsteps split off, and I realized I had followed them past my own home. "Silly me".


	2. Chapter 2 - Memories

**So I only just realized that art cannot be used within the actual story, so I decided to go ahead with uploading my second chapter! My third chapter will take a bit longer to upload, as I've decided to push for chapters 3k words on average, and I write about 200 a day. I hope you all look forward to it!**

I notice Kushieda and Kitamura-kun have already begun walking back to our old classroom. Our other friends haven't yet noticed Taiga's return. I excuse myself from the sea of adoring fans I made over the course of our last year of highschool. I suppose behaving like myself has finally paid off, I ended up becoming far more popular than I thought I would be. I call to Maya and Nanako, Hisamitsu and Haruta follow after.

"Hey Amin! Guess who's back!", Kushieda called out to me, I acknowledged and continued my way over, bouquets of flowers in hand. We join up, and begin walking up the empty hallways. I notice Hisamitsu and Maya holding hands. Kitamura and Kushieda lead the front. Haruta jokes about walking into the room and seeing Ryuuji on one knee. I walk behind, Nanako decides to give me some company. Over the past year we got closer, as Maya and Hisamitsu began spending more time on their own.

"Are you excited Ami?"

"Hmm? Oh, of course!"

"I didn't talk much to Taiga before she left, but the fact that she took the time to text all of our classmates pushed me to try harder. I messaged her fairly often while she was gone. It took me a while to realize how much we all misunderstood both her and Ryuuji, but when I saw how worried you, Kushieda and Hisamitsu were for them, and how much you cared for them, I realized they couldn't be all that bad", she laughed lightly, "How about you? Did you talk with her much while she was away?"

"Just once after the first time. She sent me a photo of a magazine that was doing the rounds at her new high school. I was on the cover. 'Idiot Chihuahua is pretty popular even out here! Hate to admit it but I miss you', all I wrote in response was I missed her too. That was about two months ago now."

"That's surprising. I thought you and Taiga got along better?"

"It's complicated, I don't hate Taiga or anything, a lot happened last year is all."

We walked up the flight of stairs and turned the corner. I hear Kushieda shout with glee. A part of me does not want to step in to that room. I recall how much time we all spent together last year, and how much of that time was spent in the now undisturbed seats.

I gather the courage to step through the door however. Inside I find Taiga surrounded by her ex-classmates, excited, smiling, exchanging gifts. Ryuuji stands proudly behind her. I look around the room. The windows are partially opened, and I can feel a light wind blowing through them. The slight chill wraps around me, and I bring my arms close in response. I left my winter coat at home, the skirt I'm wearing hardly protects me from it. I notice everyone else seems unfazed by the breeze however.

"It's been a while hasn't it?", are the only words I can think to muster. Oddly enough, seeing the energetic head of long brunette hair on that comically short body is comforting.

"It has, Ami-chan." I step back slightly.

"Ami-chan? What happened to idiot Chihuahua?" I'm surprised by the friendly tone of her voice.

"I realize how rude I was to call you that even when we became friends, and I'm sure it must have been really annoying."

"I'm surprised by much you've matured Aisaka-san."

"You better watch it, I won't hesitate to start calling you that again.", everyone begins to laugh.

After a few minutes, the excitement simmered down, and I noticed Ryuuji call everyone to attention.

"I think we are all thankful for Taiga's return, and are grateful for graduating. So I wanted to ask you all if you guys wouldn't mind coming over to my place for a celebration?", I notice Ryuuji blush as he smiles and scratches the back of his head. Taiga looks up to him and grabs him by the sleeve suddenly.

"Ryuuji, there won't be enough room". For a moment it seems Taiga wants Ryuuji to herself for the rest of the afternoon, before she spins to face us all again, "let's do it at my place!"

"Sweet, we get to have Ryuuji's cooking!", Haruta comments. "It's been such a long time!".

"The condo is still yours?", Kitamura asks.

"My useless father wasn't so useless after all. I never told him I left, so he kept paying for the place this whole time." She held her hand to her face, no doubt trying to contain the smirk growing across her lips.

"That's great Taiga! I'm so glad to see everything is back to how it used to be! Let's go!", Kushieda bolts outside and signals for us to follow her along.

"Wait Minorin, I'm so tired right now, do we have to run?", Ryuuji and Taiga begin to walk after her, hand in hand.

"This is Minori we are talking about, she never walks, at minimum she hops", Kitamura jokes as he follows them out the door.

Maya walks up to me, dragging Hisamitsu by the arm, Nanako following along, the three of them are beaming with radiant smiles, all of them seem incredibly happy to see Taiga has returned, "Ready to go?"

"Of course", I smile, "let's go." I find it out however. Maya, Nanako, Hisamitsu, and Haruta rarely hung out with Taiga even while she was around. Why are they so happy to see her return? As I ask that question to myself, I notice Ryuuji spin around.

"So what do you guys have in mind? I want to see if we should pass by the grocery store for any ingredients I might not have right now.", I notice beads of water not quite large enough to roll down his cheeks, and a smile on his lips that could never be broken.

"Oh! Oh! How about some yakisoba?", Haruta excitedly asks.

"That sounds delicious!", Kitamura notes.

"We think thats a great idea!", Maya responds, answering for Nanako and Hisamitsu.

"But I wante-"

"Shh, everyone wants yakisoba riiiiight?", Maya cuts off Hisamitsu.

"Fine fine. Yes yakisoba sounds good", he responds dejectedly.

"Good boy, she spins and kisses him on the cheek. His face flushes pink instantly, before she winks and sticks her tongue out, almost exactly as I used to.

Ryuuji let's go of Taiga's hands. "In that case I just need to get some fresh vegetables, you guys can head over to Taiga's place, I won't be long".

Taiga switches to grabbing Ryuuji by the sleeve, "Idiot, are you really going to leave us after I've been so long?", I realize she hasn't really changed all that much already.

Ryuuji blushes at her statement, "alright alright, we'll be back. You guys can hang out for now."

"No problem", notes Kitamura.

Without a thought, I stand up and start walking towards the two.

"Oh, want to come along too Kawashima?", his question surprises me. I'm caught off guard, not realizing I was moving automatically.

"Why don't we join Taiga and Takasu-kun? Taiga's right, its been such a long time since she's been around. It seems silly for us to wait for them here doesn't it?", Kushieda bounces up, and begins charging towards her tiny friend.

"She's right, it's rude of you to just leave us like that you two", Haruta jokes.

"Well actually", Taiga interrupts. "I, kind of… wanted to go with just Ryuuji for now…". A bright red flush blooms across the faces of both Taiga and Ryuuji.

"Aww how cute, alright then. We will wait here after all! Come on Amin, give the lovebirds some room!"

"Oh, right, of course. Excuse me", I sit back down on the floor, wondering how it is that I ended up halfway to the door without even noticing.

The door locks behind us, and an awkward silence passes over the usually empty space that is now packed with Taiga's friends.

I shift my eyes from face to face, attempting to figure out what must be going through their minds. I notice Kushieda seems to be the most uncomfortable of us all. I start to see her lips tremble, as if she wants to say something but isn't quite ready to yet.

"My my" I decide I will be the one to break the silence, "what a boring crowd you are!". I stand up and start over to Taiga's closet.

"Hey Ami-chan? What are you doing? This isn't your place!", Kitamura objects.

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure they'll want us to hang out for a bit after dinner, I'm trying to find some board games to keep us entertained for the rest of the night. It's our graduation party after all." After pulling out a few boardgames kept neatly in the corner of the closet, I walk back to the center of the room, set the games down and walk to the kitchen.

"I hope those should be fun. Can you guys pick which to start with?" Hisamitsu and Haruta excitedly begin to open up the boxes laying before them. As they do I proceed to Taiga's refrigerator, expecting it to be empty as this place hasn't been occupied for an entire year. And yet, to my surprise, on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator my eyes catch a shiny reflection. I kneel down, and reach for it. In my hands is a bottle of fine champagne, and behind it I notice that there are two more. They must have been left here by Taiga's father perhaps. I begin placing the bottle in my hand back into the fridge before its yanked out of my hands by, "Kitamura?!"

"Ohoho. Now the real fun begins!", I'm surprised by his actions for only a minute, and soon realize it isn't really out of character for the self proclaimed Patron Saint of Broken Hearts. "Are you sure about this? None of us are of age yet".

"Hey!", he calls to the crowd gathering around the board games, "anyone want some champagne?"

Haruta's face immediately brighten up, Maya tries desperately to keep Hisamitsu calm. Nanako blushes and can't seem to decide whether to shake her head in denial or nod in approval. For a moment Kushieda also seems troubled by Kitamura's suggestion, but she builds her resolve and leaps in a single bound over to Kitamura and pops the bottle open with her own hands.

"Amin! Get us some glasses, let the party beg-", at that moment we hear the door open up.

Taiga stares in confusion at the scene so different from what she left only minutes earlier. Ryuuji lifts his right hand and up to his face, groceries still hanging from his arm. Taiga begins walking to Kushieda, and once again an awkward silence falls over all of us. She quietly pulls the bottle away from Kushieda.

'"Hey Taiga, I'm sorry we should have-"

"Arghhh!" She yells loudly before emptying half the bottle in her mouth! What on earth are you doing Taiga?

"I'm glad we got back soon enough, I was worried this was the last bottle!" Hisamitsu and Haruta begin cheering at Taiga's surprising act. Ryuuji simply stares in confusion. Soon enough Taiga joins Kushieda in pouring everyone a glass of the sparkling brown liquid. Hisamitsu and Haruta excitedly take the glass, while Maya and Nanako stare at it in confusion. Kitamura smiles as Kushieda passes him a glass. I notice Taiga has a glass in her free hand. She walks towards me.

"This is for you Ami-chan."

"Oh. Uhm, thank you.", that is all I can say without muttering unintelligible mumbles.

"Hey, don't use all of it, I need some to cook with! We don't have any cooking sake!"

"Oh come on Ryuuji, I trust in your abilities!", Taiga marches proudly into the living room, bottle of champagne still in hand. "Alright!", she proclaims, "whos ready to get their butt kicked!".

Hours passed, and everyone was having genuine fun. I recall the last time we all spent time together like this, before the ski trip. We were supposed to get together to work on brochures for the trip but were all quickly distracted. A tinge of sadness passed over me, realizing it couldn't last forever. And yet, over a year later we are together again just like before. To my surprise very little has changed, aside from the alcohol this time around.

"Hahahah! I won! I won! Wahahaha!", Kitamura begins running laps as he relishes in his monopoly victory. Whether through shear luck or manipulation of his drunken colleagues, he had managed to take a whole side of the board, hotels on each property. I had barely managed to get a rail road.

"WAA! That isn't fair!", Kushieda starts bawling, she fared only just better than I did. She starts chasing after Kitamura as he continues running his victory lap. Hisamitsu and Haruta are both laying face down on the floor, after only a few glasses of the champagne. Maya and Nanako's faces are both clearly flushed, yet they managed to keep clear enough heads to share a side of the board. Ryuuji and Taiga both controlled themselves apparently, and I too decided not to go crazy, I can only imagine what I must be like when drunk.

"Alright, its past 1 in the morning already. We should be going home", I stand up and walk over to the purse I set aside by the door.

"I agree", Maya clearly regrets having partaken in the drinking, "I need to get home, I think I'm getting sick", she stands up haphazardly and stumbles to the door, Nanako follows closely behind.

"Wait!", I turn to see Taiga standing in the middle of the room.

"You guys can stay here tonight! It probably isn't safe for you all to stumble your way homes. I have plenty of spare blankets and pillows so please make yourselves comfortable!"

"We really shouldn't intrude Taiga", Kitamura says as he scratches the back of his head.

"I insist", she runs to her closet and starts pulling out blankets and pillows. She tosses a pair onto Hisamitsu and Haruta, who barely stir as the blankets fall onto them.

"You're right Taiga, I'm not so sure I'll even be able to find my way home right now", Kushieda notes between hiccups.

Ryuuji stands up and begins helping Taiga, "it's best for everyone to stay the night. We made a mess of the place anyway, we should help Taiga in the morning".

My hand is already on the door knob, when I hear footsteps behind me that come to a halt.

"You too dumb Chihuahua", my grip tightens for a moment, "What happened to no longer calling me that?", I take a deep breath and decide to let go.

You're right", I surrender and turn around, taking the blankets Taiga has in her hands. I walk to a corner and spread them across the floor.

"Shouldn't we probably sleep in a separate room?", Ryuuji asks. A slight blush is visible on his cheeks as he asks the question.

"What do you mean?", Taiga asks.

"Well there's four guys sleeping in the same room as five girls.", Taiga noticeably blushes too.

"R- right right. Of course. Erhm, well the girls can sleep in my room. The guys can sleep in the living room. I don't think we will be able to move Hisamitsu and Haruta anyway.", she turns and marches straight to her bedroom, leaving the door open for her temporary roommates.

After some shuffling about, everyone has picked a spot. I lay down, and close my eyes, knowing for a fact I won't be getting a wink of sleep tonight. "Why on earth am I staying in Taiga's bedroom?" I ask myself.

Sure enough, each passing minute feels like an hour. Enough time passes that the moonlit clock on the wall denotes 3:35 in the morning.

I can't take this. I run to the bathroom, and after a few minutes step out into the apartment hallway, just outside the living room. Its cooler out here than it was inside. I hear the A.C. whirring in the background, and look down one length of the hall. I see the blinking lights, sitting below a closed window by the stairway.

I sigh and sit down. Out of the corner of my eye I notice an imposing shadow. I'm about to shout in terror. Hold on, I know that figure. Its Ryuuji? What is he doing out here? It seems he hasn't noticed me yet. I start to crawl over to him, hoping to scare him, before he turns to face me.

"Oh, Kawashima? What are you doing up?", I suppose that means he wasn't asleep out here.

"Damn it, I thought I had you. I couldn't sleep, wasn't at all comfortable". I move closer to him and sit down, knees laying to one side.

"Oh," he pauses for several seconds, "you too?". Ryuuji sits to my right side, legs crossed. One of his hands rests on his lap, the other is held up to his chin.

This night hasn't turned out at all as I had expected. "I suppose", I inhale deeply, "you wouldn't mind talking for a bit would you?", I hope he can't see the hot flush I know is burning across my face right now.

"I don't mind. I doubt I'll be able to sleep much anyway, even with the champagne".

An awkward silence fills the otherwise empty hallway.

"You know…" I begin, "I thought we weren't ever going to hang out like this again", I recall my thoughts from earlier tonight. "All of us having fun together. I guess I have to thank Taiga for the opportunity. I don't like admitting it though". Finally I begin to feel the exhaustion get to me, I struggle to keep my eyes open.

"I thought the same. I always figured we would go our separate ways once we were seniors. I told myself it couldn't last forever, but I suppose I made peace with it."

"Are you glad Taiga is back?"

"Eh?", he seems surprised by the sudden change of topic.

"Why wouldn't I be?", I hear him chuckle, and while I can't see it, I can feel the radiant smile that only once was for me, even in this darkness its warmth burns like the sun. "If I had to wait much long I think I would have lost it. It was only thanks to you that I could ever admit I loved her. I told you before I ever confessed to her, isn't that stupid?".

I feel tears well up in my right eye, and for a moment I think I feel a wet streak cross down my cheek.

"Yes, it's very stupid', I can fight no longer. My eyes slowly shut, and everything goes black.


	3. Chapter 3 - Acting

**Already fell behind schedule! Shame on me! This chapter is further behind my word goal than I hoped for, especially for how long it took me to get it out, but work has kept me occupied. In any case, this chapter marks the end of the transition from what we observed at the end of Toradora, next chapter starts the long arduous process Ami, Ryuuji, and Taiga have ahead of them. With that being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

"Get the hell off him! I can't believe you are still in heat after all this time! Stupid chihuahua!"

I slowly open my eyes, a dark figure stands above me yelling loudly, but I can hardly make out the words being uttered. I struggle to wake up, exhausted after having slept for what felt like only a couple of hours. My legs feel cold against the tile floor, so I bring them close. I pull closer to the source of warmth next to me.

"That's the opposite of getting off of him!"

As my vision begins to clear, I look to my side and realize I ended up leaning my head on Ryuuji's shoulder. I suddenly feel a burning sensation in my cheeks, and jump up.

"I didn't know! I'm sorry!", I realize it's Taiga standing in front of me, her face is bright red as well, though very clearly not from embarrassment. Past her is the door to her room, through which I see several curious faces peeking around at the commotion. Kitamura steps out, covering a smirk, I see his shoulders tremble visibly as he tries to prevent himself from breaking into a bout of laughter.

"Excuse me!", I push aside and begin walking toward the flight of stairs. As I put my hands on the rail they instinctively retract, the cold feeling of the metal against my fingers and palms catches me off guard. I reach the bottom of the stairs and catch my breath.

"What the hell was I thinking?". I push the doors that mark the entrance into the condominium, and am almost blinded by the burst of light that is flooding through the hall. I bring my right hands to my brow, and with my free hand I push the outer doors open.

Where am I? The buildings look familiar, but I can't place my finger on it. Ah, right. I'm outside of Taiga's place.

"I need a coffee".

I begin wandering down the mostly empty streets, my legs seem to have a mind of their own as they carry me to the nearest vending machine. I pull a couple hundred yen out of my purse, and wait for the clank of metal against metal. I kneel down and reach into the opening and pull out a small brown colored coffee can, "Mocha flavored, probably about as good as any I suppose."

"I'm home", I call as I pass through the front door of my aunt's home.

"Welcome back", I hear echo from the kitchen. I hear the bubbling of a rice cooker and the whistling from a teapot that soon dies down. I walk past the kitchen and into my room, and collapse onto my bed.

"I made you some breakfast! Come eat it before it gets cold!"

"Thanks auntie, I'll have some later". I can barely muster the strength to raise my voice, let alone walk back out to grab food. I pull the sheets over and let my legs and arms relax, sinking into the cushion. As I lay there I realize I'm no longer a highschooler. I'm gripped by apprehension. "What do I do now?" I ask myself. Everyone is expecting me to follow in my mother's footsteps, and they're always surprised when I suggest acting isn't really what I want to do as a career. But for now, what else can I do? I can't be a deadbeat living in my aunt's place. At the very least I have to get a part-time job.

I look to the desk next to me, and notice a pile of envelopes laid in a neat pile. One by one I tear open the slips. "Modelling gig, modelling gig, magazine, acting invitation, modelling gig". Ughh. At this rate if I want a job I might have to take something like this. I recall before the end of last school year that some of the faculty had asked me to model the uniform. I wonder if the offer is still on the table?

"I want to be back in school" I think to myself. If they let me model I can stay with my aunt and help out. I can't keep studying, but whatever happens I don't want to leave this town.

I spend the entire day rolling back and forth in my bed, wondering what to do. I start feeling anxious as the burden of the future begins to set in. "What on earth am I going to do?". I don't want to end up on the streets. I know my aunt will care for me, but sooner or later I have to go out into the world on my own. I remember Kitamura, he has been fervently studying English outside of school. I recall a conversation we had over our last winter vacation.

He invited me to meet him at Johnny's. As I walked through the gentle snowfall, I became mesmerized by the footsteps marked in the fresh powder. I don't know why I picked this habit up, but it's become routine since last year. Each winter, I can't help but be constantly distracted by the prints. I start wondering what the person who left those marks must be up to, what must they be thinking, what is their destination?

As I asked myself those questions, I halted noticing the warm orange glow of the lights emanating from the interior of the Johnny's. This time I didn't miss my destination. I pushed the doors open, and noticed a head of blue hair. He was sitting at the same table I first met Ryuuji and Taiga at. He motioned me to sit across from him, a cup of hot coffee was waiting for me already, the steam rising from the mug invited me to take in the warmth, a respite from the chill outside.

"Ohoho? So, care to explain why you asked me out on a date? Finally got tired of the idiot president? I'm surprised it took you this long to notice my charm and beauty, having grown up as friends together and all! If this were one of those romance novels, we would be destined lovers you know!"

"Ahahaha, very funny. You're still Ami-chan!"

I was frustrated by the fact that we were apart last year, I hoped to be in the same room with everyone, of course I had to deal with the fact that the odds of that happening would be astronomical. And indeed, when class assignments were given, I shared my classrooms with none of the friends I made the year prior.

"I want to be fluent once I'm in America", Kitamura's comment broke me from that train of thought.

"Well that makes sense, you want to be able to navigate on your own over there after all! No, that isn't it! You hope to romance an American girl don't you! And here I was thinking you wanted me this whole time! It's rude of you to lead a girl on like this Kitamura-kun~!"

"That isn't at all why."

"Oh? Well do explain! Surely there must be a reason you dragged me out here!", slowly my teasing was giving way to frustration. I knew why he wanted to learn English, what the hell did this have to do with me?

"I want to be able to prove to our senpai that I managed not just to catch up to her, but surpass her. Surely she will accept my efforts then. And I want your help with finding a good English teacher. I assume you have good connections right? Actors need to take crash courses in languages when starring in foreign movies or something after all."

I rolled my eyes, "no, we typically just memorize the lines and pronounce them as best as we can, no need to learn an entire language just to make a movie", I took a deep breath, pulling my arms in, "I'll ask my mother, she might be able to hook you up with someone. Well this coffee sucks, I'm out of here. See you another time", I stood up and headed to the exit.

"Hey Kawashima! What's wrong!"

We didn't talk much after that. Not until the reunion with Taiga last night. But, it wasn't the fact that he wanted to use my connections that bothered me. He knew what he wanted to do, and he was able to act on that desire. It's been half a year since then, and I still don't know what to do.

After a couple of days, I realized the bakery that Ryuuji and Taiga worked for last year was in need of assistance, and I jumped at the opportunity.

"It's easy, just smile and wave, someone will come buy something eventually", I'm not sure whether he knows, or remembers rather, who I am. I recall when Taiga asked for me to promote his shop. Given the outfit I'm currently wearing, I'm bound to draw attention. It can't be helped of course, I am a goddess after all! That aside, I'm greatly relieved. I don't work many hours, but at the very least I don't feel like a total deadweight.

As I stand, I notice a tall, dark silhouette accompanied by a tiny ball of brunette hair. The smile that began to grow is immediately replaced by a grimace as I realize who's accompanying Ryuuji.

"What's with the face Kawashima?", Taiga asks.

"Its nothing", I collect myself and for the first time in ages I realize I'm putting up a facade again.

"I just thought I saw something. How's it going? Want to buy some chocolates?"

"No thanks, we were headed down the road, we didn't realize you had started working here", Ryuuji reaches out with his arm and rests his hand on my shoulder, "congratulations, seems you've got something to work towards at least".

"What do you mean?", I tilt my head to one side inquisitively.

"Now that I'm back we both don't know what to do. Everyone else seems to have plans, Kitamura is getting ready to go abroad, Minorin is still practicing baseball, you're going into acting", I tilt my head the other way after hearing Taiga's words.

"Believe it or not, I feel like we're in the same boat! I'm not sure I want to go into acting, I decided to take up a part-time job for the meantime though, hence why I'm here! I'm sure you two will figure something out soon! After, you do have plans don't you? What happened to getting married and all that mushy stuff?"

"Eh! Stupid chihuahua!", Taiga flushes red and covers her face.

"Something wrong Kawashima?", Ryuuji's comment catches me off-guard. I noticed his eyes staring straight into mine. He winces slightly, he knows.

"What do you mean Ryuuji-kun?", instead of dropping the act I double down.

"Something just seems off", his stare has not dropped. His eyes continue to pierce through."

"It has to be the cute bakery outfit! Don't I just look adorable with it on? I couldn't decide whether or not to tie my hair up, but I decided to leave it down, it's just my style ya'know?", I turn around and notice my boss looking on disapprovingly, he's probably counting the people who've walked past us while I was being entertained by these two.

"Oh my! I almost forgot I was working! I'll be sure to catch up with you two some other time alright? I'd love to hear more about your plans!", I wave excitedly as they turn around and start stepping away.

"You know", Taiga pauses, back facing towards me, her golden brown hair bounces over her shoulders as she sets her foot down. I notice Ryuuji's shoulders are tense, his hand suddenly grasps Taiga tightly, as if to say 'whatever you are thinking please don't do it', "we've known you for a year now. I hoped you learned to drop your stupid airhead persona. Dumb chi-", she pauses, and sighs deeply, before walking off. I keep smiling and wave them off, shrugging her comments off.

"Damn you Taiga", I whisper before noticing a family walk by, "hey there! Would you like to buy some bread? It's delicious!".

The mother begins bouncing excitedly and asks, "are you Kawashima Ami by any chance?".

"I am! I couldn't help but work for this shop and help the ol' boss out! His baking skills are exquisite!"

"Well if Ami-chan says so, it must be so! I'll buy 500 yen of that bread there if you wouldn't mind!"

"An excellent choice ma'am!". Only now do I realize, I've gone into acting anyway.


	4. Chapter 4 - Raindrops

Summer has come and gone and I still haven't figured out what to do. Fortunately I was able to get a position at the diner. I find working with the customers entertaining, at the very least it has let me meet all kinds of people, and lets me put my thoughts away for the few hours I'm here. And the outfit is cute too! I can't help but notice that a lot of the visitors to the restaurant seem to be teenage boys. From baker outfit to maid, I'm not sure if that is an upgrade or a downgrade?

Today will probably be a quiet day though. The weather forecast is calling for some rain storms tonight. It's bright and sunny out right now, but with the high rises surrounding me I can't see any clouds in the sky. I can tell it's windy however, leaves and scraps of paper are blowing by the entrance, sometimes trespassing into the restaurant whenever a patron walks through. Seeing as no one is in right now, I take the time to wet a hand towel and start wiping down the tables. Hours pass without me noticing, table after table wiped down. The sky outside gradually darkens, but I don't give it too much thought. Before too long, I hear the restaurant manager call out to me.

"Ami-chan!"

I look back to the kitchen, seeing him peeking from behind the serving counter, "Yes?"

"Go on to your lunch break! We're still pretty quiet, be back on time though!"

"Aiiight!" I grab the bento box I left in the break room, and decide to walk out to the park down the road. As I push the doors open, I'm hit by a blast of wind, and notice a wet spray drenching me from head to toe. The sky overhead is blocked by a dark mass, the sound of thunder rumbles and echoes through the streets. I suppose eating in the diner will have to do for now.

I sit in the back corner, and hear the doors swing open, for a few seconds the rush of air and rain reverberates throughout the restaurant. I look back to see a coworker clocking in for his shift.

"I would have just stayed at home, not like we are going to need any help", I mumble under my breath, roll my eyes, and open my bento box. "Ughh", I notice him walking towards me. He has had the annoying habit of flirting with me from the first day we worked together, and no matter how much I tell him off, he can't seem to get the picture.

"What do you want Setou? Can't you see I'm on my lunch?", I keep my gaze focusing on the food in front of me, not bothering to give him the attention I know he wants.

"You can't keep beating yourself up you know. And please, just call me Hisao, I'm not your senpai or anything."

"What on earth are you talking about?". Setou Hisao is nothing like Ryuuji. He's shorter, has bright brown hair like the childlike girl always by Ryuuji's side, and of course doesn't have a smile that scares half the town away. It's irritating.

"I can tell something has been bothering you from the first day we met. I have a feeling you've been blaming yourself. Question is why? You don't seem like a terrible person to me. Pork cutlet, potstickers, and fried rice. Very nice! You make that yourself?"

I look up, glaring straight into his eyes, "when did I allow you to be my therapist? Leave me alone, you're ruining the view."

"What view, of the restaurant?", he spins around, facing the empty tables and seats, and out onto the dark street, rain bands streak down the windows, and ever so often, a brief flash of light breaks the darkness, and a soft rumble follows shortly after.

"You really can't take a hint can you?", I start eating, with the hope that ignoring him will push him to finally leave, "you are on shift you know, you should be working not hitting on your coworker".

"Why do you keep insisting I'm flirting with you?", he places his hand on his palm, before sliding it over his hair. " I just want to get to know my coworker. You've been working at this restaurant for six weeks now, and it doesn't seem like you plan to move on any time soon. I want to be on friendly terms with the person I'm seeing everyday."

"You are annoying, go clean the tables or something."

"I can tell the tables were just cleaned, and the old man said I can just hang out for now, he doesn't expect us to get busy any time soon. We're probably going to close early".

"Damn it", I mutter, as he proceeds to walk around to sit in the opposite side of the booth.

"So, what did you do before this?", I find it surprising that he doesn't know who I am, seems everyone else knows that Kawashima Ami is a waitress at the local diner now.

"I was a student", taking that fact into consideration, I can't help but feel he does indeed know who I am, which further irritates me. "At the local high school. Didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and decided to work here for the time being."

"You should go into modeling or something, you'd fit right in."

I slam my fist onto the table, jolting the now half empty box of food. At that instant, I notice a smile work its way across his face.

"Disgusting, you're a masochist aren't you?", I stare angrily, my fingers are rolled up tightly, pressing down onto the table. "Why the hell are you asking me about what I did before, you clearly know. Playing naive isn't getting you any points."

"Honestly, I just saw a girl on the cover of a magazine my sister was reading, and realized it looked familiar. Now I know there's more backstory to you than the cute girl from out of town who transferred and decided to stay."

After this comment, I realize he's being honest. "You really didn't know?"

"Of course not, I'm not interested in all that stuff, it seems pretentious. No offense meant of course."

"Oh, none taken. Your comment isn't wrong. Perhaps your sister told you the reason I transferred?", he seems excited that I'm willing to engage in conversation.

"Again, I'm not typically interested in all that stuff. However, I am curious how an up and coming model and daughter of a successful actress ended up working as a waitress."

Where to start? It's been two years since I transferred, since Ryuuji helped me face the stalker that I let control me for so long. I grab my chopsticks and pick up a potsticker, and bring it to my lips.

After a couple of nibbles, I set the potsticker back down. "I had a stalker. I was terrified of him. Enough that I was convinced I had to leave my hometown. My aunt kindly offered her home, and my mother helped take care of the paperwork to transfer to the local high school." I pick up the potsticker once more, this time finishing it all at once. I chew on it for a few seconds, trying to settle my feelings. The thought of that stalker still troubles me to this day, "Thankfully, a close friend of mine helped me face my fears, and I was able to chase my stalker away."

"Sounds rough. I'm glad you were able to push him away though. But if that's the case, why not go back home?"

"I asked myself that same question. I realized I had something here that I didn't have back home. I made friends at school, and I was enjoying the attention admittedly." But one individual in particular of course, was the true reason I wanted to stay.

"Friends or friend?", I look up to see him with raised eyebrows, prodding me to be honest.

"I made more than just one friend you jerk." I pick up a slice of pork, I realize I'm no longer eating for hunger, but to try to distract myself, I don't want to think about Ryuuji. But this asshole keeps bringing it up for some reason.

"I'm done talking with you Setou, I'm going to finish my lunch now and go back to work. You should start too." 

I look outside and notice the storm continues to rage. Rain lashes against the windows, streaks of water flow down the face of the restaurant. No more customers come for the rest of the night.

The walk home feels longer than usual. Even though I knew the forecast I didn't think to bring an umbrella along, all I have is my coat. I try to shrink myself into it as I walk down the street. The only thing that lights my way home are the street lights, all the storefronts are closed and their lights are shut off. The beam from the street lamps is broken by the constant sparkle of water that falls constantly. The sound of my footsteps echoes louder than usual, the sound of my heels clicking against the wet concrete bounces against the walls of the buildings around me. After what seems like an eternity though, I finally make it home.

I walk straight to the shower room, set my phone on the counter, and turn the faucet on. The sensation of warm water over me is a huge relief after walking through the bitterly cold rain. As I wash my hair I think back on the conversation with Hisao. I realize I just revealed one of my most personal secrets, with little hesitation. My walls are falling down. I always wanted this, but not it just doesn't feel right.

Of course, Ryuuji is who I really want to talk to. I sit down on the floor, back turned to the showerhead, when I hear my phone vibrating. I dry my hands and pick up the phone.

Message- Unknown Sender : Hey! It's Hisao! Got a number from a friend of mine! Hope you don't mind! Enjoyed our conversation earlier, still at work but on my lunch break.

How the hell did he get my number? I've only given it out to five or six people.

I start texting him back.

KA - Who the hell gave you my number? I didn't give you permission!

SH - Turns out my sister knows one of your personal friends, she's my sister's senpai. I suppose if the number is right she wasn't lying. Kihara Maya I believe?

What on earth gave her the idea that this was okay?

KA - Regardless! I didn't give anyone permission to hand my number out!

SH - Relax, I'm not going to sell it to the paparazzi or anything!

KA - That isn't the point! It's a matter of personal privacy! And you are way beyond crossing it!

SH - You could just block me you know.

For a moment, I realize he's right. I move to block his number but when the notification asking to confirm this action pops up, I pause.

KA - Fine.

I realize that whether I want to or not, I need someone to talk too, someone who doesn't know Ryuuji personally.

SH - I'm glad. Listen, we both have the afternoon off tomorrow so why don't we go out? I'm honest when I tell you at work that I want to get to know you.

He's asking me out on a date isn't he? I'm really not interested, but I do know I need a distraction. Recently I have been focusing almost all of my time on work, whether that be trying to find new work, or pitching in at the bakery before, and the diner now. I haven't really had an afternoon to relax in a while, and whether I want to admit it or not. I need it.

SH - You still there?

KA - Yes, I'll be ready at 5 in the afternoon. Come by my aunt's place. How about a picnic? At the park down the street from where I live?

SH - Sounds nice.

Well, I suppose I'm committed now-

SH - Is it alright if I bring some friends over?

KA - What? You're asking me out on a date and you want to bring your friends?

SH - OMG I'm not asking you out on a date! I want to hang out! I told you already I'm not trying to flirt or win you over or anything!

Well, it was probably going to be awkward anyway, what's a few strangers in the mix going to change?

As I close the message bubble with Setou-san, I glance at the list of friends I have. I notice Maya is active right now. I get out of the bathtub, dry myself off, and walk back to my bedroom. I lay back, and click on Maya's bubble.

KA - What on earth were you thinking handing out my number to a stranger? 

KM - Oh! Hi Ami-chan! You're up late! It was a cute kohai is all! She's a big fan!

KA - Yes well somehow it ended up in the hands of my coworker and now he's asking me to go out with him tomorrow afternoon -_-

KM - Ah! Did you agree to it?

KA - Well I didn't have anything better to do…

KM - Awesome! I'll be seeing you tomorrow then! Noto is joining us too!

KA - Wait, you and Noto are coming with us? I know he mentioned some people coming along, you know him?

KM - It's a long story Ami-chan! I'll explain to you tomorrow, good night!

KA - Oh no you don't! Tell me right now! You're obviously still up!

KA - MAYA.

KA - MAYA!

KA - I KNOW YOU'RE READING MY MESSAGES.

Fine. She's planning something, and I have a feeling I know what's going on. She knows Setou, and she's probably trying to set me up with him. But then why would she and Hisamitsu tag along? Maya can't read me as well as Kitamura or Ryuuji can, but she can probably tell I haven't been feeling great the last couple of weeks.

And she can probably assume it's about Ryuuji. I don't think I ever told her or anyone about my feelings for him. I suppose I indirectly confessed to both Ryuuji and Kushieda, but aside from that, I haven't been honest with my closest friends. I can't expect to ever drop the dumb-chi persona if I can't at least trust my friends with something like this.

Perhaps that's how I move on. I've been so focused on trying to keep my feelings for Ryuuji bottled up that all I've done is keep thinking about him more and more. That might be Maya's goal for tomorrow, get me comfortable with a group of friends and finally have me be honest with them.

But then why Setou-san? I suppose if she wants me to be honest about Ryuuji, the goal isn't to hook me and Setou up.

As I sit in my room, I notice how surprisingly warm it is, outside I see occasional flashes of light, and distant booming, reminding me of the storms lashing outside. And yet, I hear a distinct and repetitive thudding. It definitely doesn't sound like thunder.

"Someone's at the door? At this hour?"

I scramble around in search of a blunt object, and grab a textbook I forgot to return, and begin my huddle downstairs. The lights in my auntie's house are all off, I'm only able to guide myself through with the lightning outside. I get to the door, book in my left hand, and twist the knob.

"Woah! Easy Kawashima! I know you don't like me but a book is excessive!"

I look down, and see the distinctive golden brown hair. It's noticeably disheveled right now though, and what look like pieces of paper and leaves are peppering her head.

"Taiga? What on earth are you doing here?" I step back from the door and invite her in.

"I got a text from Kihara Maya, saying you needed help with something. She didn't tell me much, only to show up tomorrow afternoon, but I knew it had to be more urgent if she was messaging me this late. Now that I'm here, I think she was just messing with me, you look just fine to me."

She rolls her eyes, and plops herself onto the wooden floor of the entrance hall.

"You're absolutely soaking, at the very least dry yourself off. I don't want you to get a cold, and then give it to me."

As I walk back to the bathroom to grab a spare towel, I hear her sneeze and snuffle. I spoke too soon it seems.

"Here."

She grabs the towel and wipes her face with it, before wrapping it around herself.

"Ugh. You're so gross", I better remind myself to throw that towel out now. What a waste.

"Shut up. I sneaked out of my place and walked all the way over here in the soaking rain and dark."

"Yes well I didn't ask for it." We both remain quiet. The walls are no longer being lit up by lightning, only the sound of steady rain against the roof and windows is present. Its unbearable.

"It's about Ryuuji isn't it", I hear her mumble.

"Yes", I stand up, and reach my hand out to her. "Come on, let's go to the dining room, I'll make some tea."


	5. Chapter 5 - Hot Chocolate

(Sorry that it has been a while again everyone! My uploading schedule is going to be very slow from now on, but the story is far from dead. It's going to just take a long time unfortunately. Thanks to those who've waited!)

"Things aren't at all what I thought they'd be."

Taiga mumbles her words softly over the cup of tea I handed her. She holds it close, as if warming herself with it. Given the weather outside, it's understandable.

We walked to the dining room, and I scrambled to find a match to light the candle.

"Ah, here it is." I flick the match against the textured box, and a small flame lights up the house. It seems so fragile.

"Ouch!", In my captivation I fail to notice the flame working it's way down the matchstick. I drop it onto the floor, the flame extinguishes.

Flick, and the room is lit dimly once more. This time I'm careful to not burn myself, and walk to the dining room, where Taiga is waiting. She still has the snot covered towel wrapped around herself.

I bring the match to the candle, and in moments the room lights up. I avert my eyes momentarily. The room was so dark even this little candle was enough to hurt. I notice Taiga wince momentarily.

I walk back to the kitchen, called by the whistling of the pot. I grab two cups from the overhead cupboard. Steam rises and meets my face as I pour water into the two cups. I grab a couple of bags of tea and set them in the cups. Taiga stares into the candle light, and I can't help but notice the similarity. They're both so small, you can't help but want to protect them. Venture too close however, and you get burned.

"I haven't grown an inch." I finally walk over and set a cup of tea in front of her. She growls as she takes her first sip. "Ahh! Damn it. It's still hot!"

I roll my eyes, "of course it is, I just poured it. And of course you haven't grown an inch. Women usually stop growing around eighteen."

But that isn't why you're here. That isn't what you mean by not having grown. A silence once more dominates the room. The flashes of light outside grow softer, and the rumbling of thunder becomes more distant. The faint pitter-patter of rain against the house walls slowly becomes the only thing we hear again.

She brings her lips close to the glass, her silhouette is dim even next to the candlelight that only a minute ago was, for a moment it seemed, painfully bright. Her recognizable grimace is replaced by trembling lips and watery eyes.

"Ryuji finally told me he loved me, and the first thing I did was headbutt him!", she brings a hand to her mouth. I can tell she's trying to hold back tears. Her small, frail looking body trembles noticeably.

"I'm so stubborn! I haven't grown at all! I hate myself!", she suddenly allows the tears she desperately was trying to hold back to flow freely. She falls sideways onto the floor, her head on the seat cushion.

I wait, thinking it is best to let her get this out before continuing. After a few minutes, she picks herself back up, strands of hair falling messily over her face. She wipes herself with the towel once more.

"I used to hate you".

"Eh?" I hear her voice softly echo through the house.

"I used to hate the facade you put up. But eventually, you managed to grow. When Ryuuji, Minorin, all of us, refused to grow. You dropped the act. You stopped pretending. You stopped caring. You managed to grow up, and you kept all of your friends besides you."

I notice how small and fragile Taiga seems right now. And notice how large and imposing the shadow cast by the flickering candlelight seems in comparison. I look back momentarily, and notice my own shadow projected thinly down the hall into the living room. Though I'm taller, my shadow seems so much more ethereal than her own.

I turn back and face her again. I realize her gaze has not lifted since she sat back up. It's like she is staring through the floor, to some place distant.

"It was difficult", I pause, before remembering that I haven't dropped it at all. "No.", I sigh softly, strands of hair fall across my face, mirroring Taiga's own messy appearance. I look back up, swipe the strands aside. I notice a smile forming on my own lips. What could possibly possess me to smile at a time like this?

"I haven't dropped it actually. I still put up that mask. I haven't grown much at all. The truth is simply that I'm able to lose it around my friends now." She finally starts lifting her head up, our eyes meet.

"And, now that I'm finally able to be honest about it, I've only been able to drop it around you and the others because of Ryuuji."

Her face contorts momentarily, no doubt a tinge of jealousy arises, but quickly the surge of anger subsides, and she once again looks into the void.

"You've still managed to grow. It's better than I've been able to do. Nothing I do works. I felt so overjoyed when I finally heard those words, and yet my first reaction wasn't to return those words, it was to hurt him. I was gone for so long, and I haven't changed at all. I don't know what to do". Once more tears start flowing. This time, it's a soft stream, the tears roll gently down her cheeks, her gaze remains steady.

"It's incredibly difficult being able to accept yourself. Especially when it's just one other person you want to be accepted by. Ryuuji told me he liked me even without the mask. It was as simple as that, I was lucky. I didn't grow Taiga", unsure of whether I should continue, I steady my breath. I realize my own breathing is getting unsteady, and that my gaze is getting blurred as my eyes begin to water. "I told myself that I'd be able to move on, that I could finally be myself. But I can't move on. As much as I try I can't. Hearing Ryuuji confess his love to you hurt me perhaps as much as it overjoyed you."

After a long breath, I'm able to recover. I don't want to become a crying mess too. "But we have to work with what we have. I have my friends. Ryuuji is still my friend, you're still my friend. You have friends that love you and care for you exactly as you are. Trying to pretend you aren't a vicious headstrong tiger would only be doing exactly the thing you hated about me. Embrace it."

"BUT I'M HURTING RYUUJI!"she yells suddenly. Her gaze is now fixed on me. My eyes widen as I notice her begin to stand up. "You don't hurt anyone just being yourself! I do! I hurt the person I love the most in this world! I don't want to! But I can't do anything! I'm helpless!"

Slowly my own frustration begins to rise. Why did she bother coming here if she's refusing help? I speak sternly, "Ryuuji is fine. We're fine. Ryuuji fell in love with you because you're the palmtop tiger. If you're hurting Ryuuji, it means he made a mistake. And as much as you might tell yourself it was, it's not. You're both stupid, and I think you both exacerbate each other's flaws, but you're happy together. That should be all that matters. Screw what anyone else thinks."

She walks past me into the dimly lit hallway leading to the living room. The towel I lent her remains wrapped around her shoulders.

"It's late. I'm heading home."

Idiot.

I'm too tired to walk up to my bedroom. I grab the cushion she was sitting on, curl up, and close my eyes, back turned to the candle.

It seems like only a moment. I get up, and notice the candle no longer burning, yet the white walls of the dining room are tinted gold by incoming sunlight. My left side feels incredibly sore. A shiver runs down my back as I notice how cold the floor is.

"Damn it" I mutter to myself. It feels as if I didn't get an ounce of sleep. But I knew it couldn't have been later than one in the morning when Taiga left. With my vision still blurred from the exhaustion, I fumble my hands over the dining table hoping to feel my phone.

"Here it is,'' I draw the screen close to my face.

"Ugh, its barely 7 AM."

My knees wobble as I attempt to stand. I put the tea cups away, the green liquid within has lost all of its heat.

I stumble my way upstairs and collapse into my bed. I wrap the sheets around me and set an alarm for three hours from now. As I'm doing so however, the phone rings.

Its a number I don't recognize. Wait. I do recognize it. Ugh. Its Hisao. Why the hell is he calling me at 7 in the morning? Weren't we supposed to meet up with Maya later? I swipe right and hang up, but moments later the phone rings once more.

I repeat the process four more times before finally answering, "WHAT."

"Wow, you seem to be in a good mood early!"

I hang up again. And again, the phone rings.

"If you want to end up dead in a ditch somewhere you're doing a very good job right now"

"Easy ice queen, I wanted to offer breakfast. By the sound of it, seems like you need it too."

I don't want to admit it, but he is right. I haven't eaten anything since the little chat I had with Taiga, and I can already feel the cramping in my gut begging me for food.

"Fine, what do you have in mind?", I wonder if my eye roll translates into the words I utter.

"How about the diner?"

"What diner?", he can't possibly mean where we work right?

"Where else?", I resist the urge to launch my phone at the wall for such a stupid suggestion.

"Idiot. I'll be there in half an hour". Resigning myself to fate, I walk up to my room, pick a set of clothes, then step into the shower room. The water is cold at first, shivers run up my spine as it makes contact with my skin, but slowly it gets warmer. I recall the night Ryuuji and Taiga left, and how Kushieda was left behind, crying in my arms. I ended up letting her take shower here for the night, I still remember the steam seeping through the hallway.

After finishing up, I rush down the stairs and head off. The smell of wet pavement is almost overwhelming as I open the door and step out. Puddles are scattered everywhere, on the sidewalk and street alike. Water drips steadily from the trees overhead, and the sky further above, while clearer than during last night's turbulence, is still largely overcast. Patches of blue peaking through the clouds seem almost blindingly bright; the wind blows leaves and litter across. The streets are quiet at first, but slowly students emerge from their homes in their respective high school uniforms.

I notice that they all seem to walk with a sense of purpose. They have a direction, they know what they need to do. I'm sure they don't appreciate the homework, but they're able to enjoy time with friends.

"I can't believe I miss highschool", I mutter out loud. I genuinely enjoyed my time in highschool, what little time I spent I suppose. I was often out of classes thanks to my career, but the weeks and months in between had been some of the most enjoyable I'd experienced.

Eventually I find myself at the front of the restaurant. Hisao is standing there, with a raincoat over his left arm, holding an umbrella in his hand.

"You can't be sure with the weather nowadays,'' he steps to the side and opens the door, inviting me in.

We step inside and sit across from each other in one of the cubicles.

"Oh, fancy seeing you two at this hour!", the restaurant manager walks out from the kitchen. "It's good seeing you on an off day! What can I get for you two? On the house!"

"Appreciate it!", Hisao responds. "I think I'll go with an American style continental breakfast! Bacon and all if that's alright?"

"Of course Hisao-kun, and what about you Ami-chan?"

"Oh, uhm." I'm caught off guard by his presence, I've gotten used to being the one waiting tables. "I'll have the same. And a hot chocolate?"

"Wise choice if I say so myself! Two continental breakfasts coming up!", he darts back into the kitchen.

I'm getting sick and tired of awkward silences whenever I'm interacting with people, so I get to the point right away. "Alright, might I ask why you decided to drag me out this early? Even though we were supposed to hang out later today anyway?"

"I just wanted to offer a cheer-me-up. Like I said, it sounds like you need it."

"That doesn't answer why you called me at such an early hour", I growl.

He brushes his hair back and rolls his eyes, "maybe I just wanted to have breakfast with a pretty girl? How many other guys can say they have the privilege of going on a date with a model?"

"Your flattery will get you nowhere". My eyes wander slowly to the window, I look back up to the sky which just last night was a dark thunderous mass of black.

"Truth is, and I think I've said it before, I just wanted to get to know you better. I genuinely want to get to know my coworker is all. I have no ulterior motive. I usually get up early, and didn't have anything else planned this morning. I'm still planning on hanging out with you and your friends later."

Irritating as he may be at some times, he at least seems sincere. I can't be lashing out at everyone who tries to talk to me either, especially if I ever want to grow out of this ridiculous facade.

"Here's your hot chocolate!", the manager sets the cup onto the table, the aroma is soft yet immediately recognizable. He grabs a can of whipped cream and beautifully layers some on top of the cup, before laying a spoon to the side. "Enjoy!"

I can't resist myself and immediately take the spoon and destroy the delicious and tempting work of art. I usually hold myself back, but I suppose this is no different then when I buy junk food.

Eventually our meals are brought to the table, steam still rising from the food before us.

"Let's eat!", Hisao excitedly proclaims, before grabbing a strip of bacon and bringing it to his mouth. "I don't like most American food, but bacon is absolutely amazing!"

I can't help but let a smile slip. It's cute seeing him enjoy breakfast so much. "I guess you aren't that bad", I look back out the window and notice the streets now bustling with activity. Students run by trying to get to school on time and cars pack the road.

"So", Hisao breaks my focus, "I might have asked this before, but… why did you decide to work here?"

"What do you mean?", I have a feeling where he's going with this question, but the hot chocolate seems to have tamed me. I'd probably be walking out the door by now on any other day.

"Well, you're a model right? Your mother is a successful actress. I'm sure you have plenty of friends in high places. What made you decide to work here?", he lifts his fork and brings a bite of hash browns to his mouth.

After a soft exhalation, I bring my gaze to the plate in front of me. Warmed toast with butter, pieces of bacon, a side of hashbrowns and a croissant. I reach for the croissant and bite into it before I address the question.

"My friends", I pause for a moment, the faces of each person I've come to know over the past year flash in my mind. Maya, Nanako, Koji, Kota, Kushieda, Taiga… "Ryuuji".

"Hm? Ryuuji?" my eyes widen when I realized the name that escaped my lips. I feel a rush of heat surge, my cheeks start burning. Why am I reacting like a schoolgirl admitting her crush?

I feel my heart start racing.

"Was Ryuuji one of your friends?"

"Y-yes. I know many people in the modeling and acting industry, but you wouldn't want to make friends with most of them. They're all like me…", I try to calm myself down. Thankfully it seems Hisao is able to read the room and didn't start pushing me over Ryuuji.

"Well that doesn't sound so bad! And I suppose it makes sense wanting to stay in town. But surely you could have gotten a job in the area that doesn't involve waiting tables right?"

I reach for the hot chocolate. The whipped cream is long gone, but the drink is still warm. After a few sips, I set the cup back down. "Something just doesn't feel right about it I guess".

"Right about what?" Hisao asks.

"Taking advantage of the connections I have. I want to work honestly I suppose. And having come to know the friends I have, it definitely wouldn't feel right living in a mansion while they're working hard studying in college or taking a job."

"You're a good person Kawashima."

"Eh?", I look up in surprise.

"A bit childish, but a good person", at those words I'm caught off guard. "Ryuuji once said something like that…" . A rage starts boiling up within, but I desperately try to suppress it.

"I appreciate you inviting me out to breakfast, I have to get going though."

"You're leaving? You haven't finished yet!" he looks up in surprise. "What did I say?"

I leave some cash to pay for my part of the meal and walk out. "What on earth am I doing?"


End file.
